AA Oni!
by Hcobb
Summary: Lum worms herself into Keiichi Morisato's life.


The AMS characters and situations are the creation of Kosuke Fujishima, the UY characters and situations are the creation of Rumiko Takahashi, no infringement of their copyrights is intended.

"Ring!"  
I wish those sempai would get an answering machine, but I guess they don't need one with kohai around.  
"Hello, Nekomi Tech, Men's Dorm."  
"Mr Keiichi Morisato t'cha?"  
"Yes, how can I help you?"  
"Good, you're at home, I'll be right over t'cha."  
"What?"  
"Click."  
What was that all about? She sounds like a high-school girl. Who could it be? Probably the younger sister of one of the dorm guys.  
"Knock."  
I stood up and started walking towards the door.  
"Knock."  
It's coming from behind me? From the window? I turned around, pulled the curtains aside and stopped.  
There was a blue-eyed, green-haired girl with horns and fangs in a tiger-striped bikini hanging in mid-air outside my second story window.  
Carefully I closed and rubbed my eyes, then looked again. She was still there. She looked to be about sixteen, but a little well-developed for her age. Something about her bearing, the way she hovered in mid-air, suggested that she wasn't Japanese, at least not a traditional Japanese girl.  
I opened the window for a better look and she flew in.  
"Mr Morisato t'cha?"  
"Yes, uh?"  
"I'm Lum", she pulled a card from her cleavage.  
"Pleased to meet you."  
The card read: Lum Invader, extraterrestrial. Sightings, abductions, invasions and vivisections. 1-555-666-4444. "The truth is out there, but you'll never find it."  
"I'm here to conquer your planet, t'cha." Lum interlaced her fingers behind her back, as if she was embarrassed about the situation.  
"Oh, well our leaders are in the Diet building, that-away. They shouldn't be too hard to buy out. Everybody else does."  
"But, we'll skip the invasion, if one Earthling can defeat our chosen champion t'cha."  
"Mr Momotaro isn't in right now, but you could leave a message."  
"Of all the men, er people on Earth, our computer chose you t'cha. As the challenged party you can choose the game."  
Damn, the fate of the planet rests on my shoulders? I hope the chains aren't too heavy. I'm no good at sports, except motorcycle racing and they've probably got super alien motorcycles... Hey, I was pretty good with chess in high school. "OK, chess. Send in your champion."  
"I'm the champion. What's chess t'cha?"  
"Uh... Here, read this." I handed her a well-worn chess book.  
"OK", she sat cross legged, a few centimeters off the ground while she read through the book. I looked all around her, there was no sign of any wires or anything holding her up. If this is a gag by the upperclassmen, they've outdone themselves.  
She zipped through the book and finished it in five minutes, "OK, where's the board t'cha?"  
I pulled out my old set from highschool.  
"You chose the game, so I play white t'cha." She announced and moved the king's pawn two squares up.  
Everytime I made a move, she responded instantly. I was beginning to lose. She's very smart. How do I get myself into situations like this? Wait, her style is very aggressive, maybe I can use that against her.  
I sacrificed some pieces to setup my trap.  
"Knight takes pawn t'cha", she's fallen for it!  
"Bishop takes knight, checkmate!"  
"Checkmate t'cha?" She looked up from the board, very startled.  
"Yes."  
"That's very sudden. You seem very certain of yourself, Mr Morisato t'cha."  
"Well that's just how the situation developed." I put on my best smile, my right hand behind my head. That card mentioned vivisections, I hope she won't welch on the deal.  
"Checkmate, that's very forward of you. Now, let's see my move is... I can't move. My king is pinned by my own pieces. You win! That was very clever t'cha. Yes, checkmate it is! To the victor go the spoils, Darling!"  
She hopped over the board and snuggled against me.  
"Uh Lum- what does the word ``Checkmate'' mean on your planet?"  
"Why it's a marriage proposal of course Darling! And we take them very seriously. I hope for your sake that you weren't toying with me t'cha?"  
The doorknob started to turn.  
"Uh..."  
Lum kissed me and I was too startled to move as the door opened and the men of the dorm just stood there.  
"Morisato!"  
I managed to get my lips away from Lum's to reply. "Uh, yes?"  
"Morisato, do you remember what happens to one who violates a dorm rule?"  
"They get expelled?"  
"You know the rule, no girls! And such a young one too, you should be ashamed of yourself."  
The gang had my things packed away in no time and we were bodily expelled from the dorm. Lum didn't seem to mind, as long as I was holding her.  
I packed the motorcycle then turned to Lum, "I really don't know what I'm going to do."  
"I'm sure you'll find a place Darling t'cha!"  
I put my jacket on, for the ride in the spring air and looked back at Lum. "Aren't you cold in that bikini?"  
"Why no Darling."  
"Uh, well could you do something about it? It's kind of flashy."  
"I thought you Earthlings were modest t'cha? Very well, if it bothers you that much." She reached behind her back.  
"No wait! Stop!" I rummaged through my things and pulled out a blanket, "Here, put this on, over that."  
"It's not very fashionable Darling."  
"Well, it's all I've got at the moment. Please?"  
"OK Darling t'cha."  
After riding around for a while, I hadn't found anyplace to stay. I stopped at a park and got a pair of sodas from a machine. I offered her one.  
She opened her can then toasted, "To us Darling t'cha!"  
"You were really going to invade the Earth?"  
"Why yes, we had an enormous battlefleet circling the planet."  
"So why didn't the civil defense sirens go off?"  
"They were under cloak Darling t'cha! We were going to hit you with complete surprise, just as soon as I'd verified how weak you were. It was a very close thing."  
"So where is this battlefleet now?"  
"Uh, they've moved on to menace the next planet. Don't worry Darling, now that we've seen how tough you Earthlings are, your planet is secure t'cha."  
"That's a pity. They might have offered us accommodations."  
"Well, I know a place we can stay Darling, just a bit to the west."  
"Why didn't you say so earlier?"  
"I just remembered it Darling t'cha."  
We started out.  
"OK Darling, take the next left go three blocks then turn right after the Tofu hut."  
"Lum, how long have you being observing the Earth?"  
"Why I just got here Darling t'cha."  
"OK, where do I turn next?"  
"Uh, it's a bit to the west I think."  
Lum's directions tended to be a bit more vague after that. I found myself going the wrong way down an on-ramp in the dark when a pair of headlights turned the corner.  
I pulled right up to the side wall, but it wasn't enough. Suddenly, the sidecar lifted just enough for the car to pass.  
I pulled over to the side. "Lum, are you alright?"  
"Just, just a little farther Darling. There's a temple one kilometer that way." At that point she fainted and it started to rain.  
I pulled up to the temple under a constant downpour. Lum was still out of it. I carried her inside and placed her on the floor, I took my Jacket off and placed it under her head, then spread the blanket over her.  
I went back out into the rain to get my things and searched through the box for something to help her. I finally found a hair dryer. "This will warm her up!" I searched around, but couldn't find any electrical outlets.  
I came back and sat next to her. My vision started to waver, not a good sign. I passed out.  
A strange buzzing sound and an electrical tingling feeling woke me up. The jacket was under my head and Lum was snuggled up next to me under the blanket, snoring in my ear. An eerie electrical corona flowed over her, in rhythm with her breathing, deep and regular. The light of predawn came through the windows of the temple.  
I must have snuck under the blanket with her last night. I hadn't realised I was such a Hentai. Most girls overlook me because I'm so short, but one treats me nicely and look at what I do.  
I tried to gently disentangle myself from her, but she woke up.  
"Good morning Darling t'cha."  
"Lum, uh I can explain."  
"Thanks for saving me last night Darling t'cha." She kissed me on the cheek and I quickly rolled out and onto my feet.  
"OK Lum, where do we go now?"  
"We can stay here Darling t'cha."  
"Are you sure it's OK?"  
"Yes."  
"OK, I'll go get some basic things. Do you have anything else to wear?"  
"Alright Darling, if it bothers you that much, I'll get some of my things t'cha."  
"Do you need me to take you anyplace?"  
"No, that's OK, I can get it myself t'cha."  
I made a few trips back to the dorm to get the rest of my things and then when shopping for a few essentials, like a second futon. When I returned Lum was in a white kimono with a tiger-striped obi, and was sweeping the temple with an ancient broom.  
"Darling, you're back t'cha", She put aside the broom and ran up to hug me.  
"Now which room do you want your futon in?"  
"Oh, we can stay in whichever room you like Darling t'cha."  
"Are those weapon racks in the back room?"  
"Don't be silly Darling t'cha. I'm sure they're for some religious purpose."  
"They worship rifles?"  
The front door began to open.  
I was about to pull away from Lum, but she stood on tiptoes to kiss me and I was too stunned to move.  
"Keiichi! With a girl? And such a young one too?" Megumi asked from the doorway.  
"No, it's not what you think!"  
"I guess I picked a bad time to show up. If you don't mind I could leave my things here and take a walk for an hour. This is a very interesting place you've got here."  
"That sounds good to me Darling t'cha! We can try out that new futon."  
"No wait, it's not what you think it is!" I disentangled myself from Lum.  
"Oh, and what is it then?" Megumi winked and whispered to me, "Don't worry I won't tell mom."  
"Hi, I'm Lum, Keiichi's fiancee t'cha."  
"I'm Megumi, Keiichi's sister. I can see why Keiichi never said anything about you. Mom would flip if she saw the color you've dyed your hair."  
"Oh, we just met t'cha."  
"Keiichi, you are a fast mover. My own brother and I never really knew you. Don't worry I'll stay out of your way."  
"What?"  
"Yes, I'm going to be staying here for a while."  
"What?"  
"Yes, I'm starting to college in the spring and I need to stay someplace near here."  
"What, already?"  
"Well, I am only one year younger than you."  
"It's settled then, we'd be happy to have you over Megumi. Have you had lunch yet t'cha?"  
"Thanks Lum and no I haven't."  
"The two of you have a seat there and I'll bring it out t'cha."  
"Oh, by the way bro, I think you should have this", Megumi handed me an envelope, I pulled 40,000 yen from it.  
"Mom gave me this for living expenses, I think it should cover my part of the rent for a bit."  
I had gone a bit overboard on my buying spree and this should be enough to see me by until my next allowance.  
Lum brought out a dish of some unfamiliar substance and spooned out a bowl of it for each of us.  
I looked at the stuff dubiously, then tried a bite. My eyes watered instantly and my tongue was on fire. I almost choked as I reached for a glass of water. I took a quick gulp and turned to warn Megumi, but she was already eating.  
Megumi stopped, "Lum, are you Indian?"  
"Why yes, I am t'cha."  
"I thought so, this curry is great. Is it a variant of vindaloo?"  
"It's a family recipe t'cha."  
"You have got to share it with me sometime. What do you think Keiichi?"  
Lum looked at me tentatively.  
"Oh, it's indescribable!"  
"I'm so happy you like it Darling t'cha!"  
Somehow I survived lunch.  
Afterwards, we helped Megumi put her things in the room she selected.  
"Megumi, you're our guest here t'cha. You can have the new futon. Darling and I will use the old one."  
"Megumi, how did you know where to find me?"  
"I asked the boys at your old dorm."  
"Oh, that's right, I gave them the address to forward my mail..."  
"Morisato! You've got another girl?! And the first one's such a cutie!" Tamiya pinned me over his shoulders, I could see that the rest of the gang from the dorm was there.  
"I'm Megumi Morisato, Keiichi's sister."  
"What, no way somebody as cute as you could be related to this squirt."  
"You're Keiichi's sempai? That means you'll be my sempai too."  
"You mean the college you're going to is Nekomi Tech?"  
"That's right?"  
"Then you can join the auto-club!"  
"Uh, well..."  
"Comeon everybody, let's celebrate Keiichi's housewarming and Megumi's starting college."  
Several hours later I staggered out of the party for a breath of fresh air and sat on the porch.  
Lum walked over, sat down and leaned against me silently. I put my arm around her and she sighed.  
We sat there for a while, looking at the cherry blossoms falling in the moonlight.

Henry J. Cobb


End file.
